The application
To Whom It May Concern,
I am writing to express my interest in the position of Food Critic. I believe I am uniquely qualified. I have strong opinions about food, I have never once been indifferent to a meal, and I bring a level of focus to eating that most professionals cannot match.
I am discerning. I am experienced. I am, at all times, hungry.
I look forward to your response.
Regards,
Lexie
The interview (excerpt)
Panel How would you describe your palate?
Lexie Correct.
Panel Can you tell us about a dish that disappointed you?
Lexie No.
Panel No, you can’t recall one?
lexieNo, I have never been disappointed. I finish everything.
Panel And your approach to portion control?
lexie I don’t understand the question.
PanelHow would you handle reviewing several dishes in one sitting?
lexie I would eat all of them. Where is this going.
The response
The Editorial Board
Dear Lexie,
Thank you for your interest in the Food Critic position and for participating in our tasting evaluation.
After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that we will not be moving forward with your application. While your enthusiasm was evident, the role requires candidates to evaluate multiple dishes objectively and, critically, to stop eating each one at some point. Our panel was unable to reclaim any of the sample plates provided.
We wish you the best in your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
The Editorial Board
The rebuttal
To the Editorial Board,
I have reviewed your decision and disagree with it.
You describe my inability to stop eating as a weakness. I describe it as commitment. A critic who leaves food on the plate is a critic with doubts. I have never had a doubt in my life.
You will regret this.
Regards,
Lexie